I'm Not a Bitch for Leaving My Marriage

Please give up the story that you’re ‘the one leaving’ and that makes you the bad guy.

Because guess what, there’s a really good chance he’s outgrown the marriage too. He’s just less likely to see it/be brave enough to address it. I’m sorry, but we know it’s true.

Men are able to put up with an unsatisfactory status quo longer than most women I know. No scientific evidence, observation only. Men are focused on other things a lot of the time. Women tend to be more reflective and feel this stuff more naturally. (This is no bash on men! These are amazing dudes and I teach you to love the hell out of them while this process unfolds, let’s be clear.)

That said, the women who notice the “off-ness” of the relationship first bear the burden of having to confront it first. That includes confronting the sinking "I don't think this marriage will work" thought. And the gut feeling that there’s someone out there who’s a better fit for you (and probably him too). Just because we're first doesn't mean we're evil. 

So do yourself one of the biggest favors by letting the "I'm such a bitch for leaving him" go right away. It simply isn't true. If you carry that idea around, it's going to make it harder to set the tone you need to. Scrutinizing faults and dabbling in blame simply have no place within a heart-centered breakup. And that's what you're committed to. 

Start from the place that you are neither victim or perpetrator. Nor is he. You are two married people who are looking at a different future for your relationship. If this isn't the time for your most evolved, grown-up self, then when exactly would be? Neither of you have been perfect through your marriage, but that doesn't stop you from being a better person through your divorce.