Divorce Is Not a Dirty Word

The first glance, the first date, the first kiss. The first roll in the sack.

The first vacation, the first Christmas together.

All sorts of definitive “firsts” make up the relatively universal experience of romantic partnerships.  

Here’s another first: the first conversation about divorce. 

For me, that conversation happened almost five years ago, and while writing this I feel the familiar, soul-sucking pit in my stomach. It was one of the hardest parts of this whole divorce thing.

Think about what I just said. It’s the hardest part in one of the hardest things you’ll ever go through. That conversation is a big deal, your relationship will never be the same again.  

And that’s ok. That’s the very point. Things aren’t working the way they are now. What are you going to do about it? Have you thought about it? It’s time to. The pain isn’t going to get quieter.

This is not a message for people who are working things out. This is a message for people who know it’s over. 

The latter is a feeling you have way before you actually say it out loud. You sit with it for a while, letting it rattle around and spike your insides as you go about business as usual. But eventually you have to have that conversation.

And on the other side of it is such hope and such relief. The conversation is big but it’s not as bad as you think. None of it is, at least it doesn’t have to be. Don't fear that conversation, don't fear divorce in general. You can’t live your life pretending you are satisfied - that’s just wrong and no one involved deserves that.

You can prepare for the conversation by lightening your fear about all of it. Divorce is built up to be this terrifying monster that destroys all in it’s wake.

What if it was the turning point of a whole new life? For both of you in fact. And what if it all pivoted on having that one conversation?